Kristen (00:06)
Okay, welcome back to the Soul Expansion Podcast. I either have terrible allergies and am in my luteal phase or I might be getting a little sick. So if my voice sounds a little weird, that is the reason why. But I'm having a really tough time with my mindset right now. And I just thought I would record a super raw, authentic.
vulnerable episode about how I navigate times where I really feel like I'm the worst ever. Because I have those days just like anyone else, right? And I think before when I would have days where I felt like the worst ever, I would make it mean something about me and my success.
But I think I've gotten to a really good place now where, okay, yes, sometimes I really do feel like the worst ever. And I feel like I'm never gonna reach my goals and that all the mindset work and the actions I'm taking are all for nothing. Like I definitely have those days from time to time. They usually occur during my luteal phase, I will admit, which has actually been kind of helpful for me to pinpoint and identify because I can look at what...
you know, phase I'm in in my cycle and I can be like, okay, this is my hormones. This isn't me necessarily. So that's a pro tip. If you are also a menstruating female is look at your cycle. If you're having a really bad day and if you're in the luteal phase, well, that might be the reason why. And then you can be like, okay, this is just my hormones. This is not real. This is not me. I'm just gonna ride the wave and I'll be feeling better in a few days.
because I have definitely noticed that as a pattern. But really something that has been very helpful for me overall is I've completely changed how I believe my emotions impact my success. So I used to believe coming from the manifestation world that
If I wasn't unflinchingly confident in myself and in my goals, then I couldn't achieve them, right? So I really like kind of forced myself to be unflinchingly confident, which no one is unflinchingly confident 100 % of the time. Am I relatively confident most of the time? Yes, I would say like 90 %
the time, maybe even higher, maybe like 95 % of the time, I am so sure of myself. I am so confident in my book and where it's going. I'm so confident in where I'm going financially. Like 95 % of the time, I do feel very strongly that I'm doing all the right things, that everything is working out in my favor, etc. But there is that 5 % again, often during the luteal phase.
where I just feel like it's all bullshit and I feel like I'm the worst ever and I feel like who would buy my book and I feel like I'm a terrible writer and I know these things are not ultimately true when I have these thoughts, right? Like I know that sometimes it's literally just my hormones but other times it's like it's just my brain, right? And I think I've gotten to this good place where I can
observe what I'm thinking and these negative thoughts and think to myself, okay, this is just my brain being weird and human, but overall, I know deep down that this isn't true and I am going to achieve my goals. And even if I don't feel like it right now, that's okay, right? And I think I said this in another episode where it's like, I can feel like the shittiest, most horrible writer ever and still believe.
that I'm going to sell millions of books this year, not that I actually believe I'm the shittiest writer ever. I think I'm good, right? I think I'm pretty damn good. But I'm also not everyone's cup of tea, right? And as you grow more popular as an author, as your book becomes more popular, you get more criticism and you get more love, but you also get more criticism, right? And my book is not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay.
It's part of the process. If you want to reach high levels of popularity and success, you're gonna have some people that absolutely detest your work, despise it, they hate it with their whole heart and soul. But then you're gonna have your super fans who love your work, who like their life was changed after they read your book, right? And you have to be able and willing to take the good with the bad. So sometimes when
I'm getting the bad, which is like the negative feedback, which happened recently, this week actually. Sometimes my brain will do that thing where it's like, my gosh, this means the world is crashing down, blah, blah, blah. I'm the worst writer ever. Who would ever buy my book? And I have to like stop myself and actively remind myself, no, this is just one person's opinion and
by the way, they still bought your book and read it, which is what you want. You want people to buy your book and read it. If it's not for them, it's not for them. And that's OK, because look at all these other five star reviews and super fans you already have for your book. Right. Like, isn't it crazy how our brain just like erases all the good when one little bad thing comes in. But if you know that that is what your brain does, then you can be aware of it and then it doesn't have
power over you, right? And that's really what you're looking for. And what I was looking for today was like, okay, I know that this is my hormones. I know this is because I got a little negative feedback this week. I know this is like, you know, just my brain being a brain. And so I can see through it and I don't have to attach to it and make it mean anything about my success. And the deeper beliefs I hold that make that possible is that I believe my success is a contract with God.
And I pray a lot and I pray to God about my success and my book and everything a lot. And I also pray for other people. So anyway, so I'm really connected to God. And so I feel very like that's probably the most confident thing I feel is that my success is a contract with God. God is rearranging reality to support my success. These are like kind of like the core beliefs that I believe the most, right?
And there's this proverb, if I'm not mistaken, I think it's from like the Jewish faith, but I'm not 100 % sure. But it's this proverb of like, what is good and what is bad? Like you don't necessarily know what is good or what is bad. And it goes something like this. It's like a farmer has a horse who runs away.
and his neighbor comes over and is like, I'm so sorry that your horse ran away. And the man is like, do not be sorry for who knows what is good or what is bad, right? And so then later that week, his son goes to the market and he is able to get a horse for a great price because they need another horse. And his neighbor comes over and is like, congratulations on your good fortune.
And the man is like, do not congratulate me because who knows what is good and what is bad. And then the next day, his son is riding the horse and the horse bucks him off and his son breaks his leg. And the neighbor comes over and is like, I'm so sorry for your bad luck. And the man is like, do not be sorry for who knows what is good and what is bad. And then the next day, the army comes to draft
people into the army, but his son broke his leg so he doesn't have to go. So it was actually good that he broke his leg, right? So anyway, the point of that proverb, like the reason why I wanted to bring it up is because we can look at the negative things that occur, but we don't have to make them mean that something bad is going to happen, right? And if you believe
as I do, that your success is a contract with God, that you've prayed on it, you've connected with God about what you want to occur, you've given up lots of control and you've opened up your heart to God's guidance. If that's where you're at, which is where I'm at, then it really is like who is to know what is good or what is bad. Maybe that negative feedback is actually gonna inspire someone else to buy my book who's gonna fall in love with it.
and become obsessed with it and become like a super fan and a brand advocate for the book, right? Like the thing is we don't know the deeper unfolding of the plan. And when I was praying last night, God was like,
You know, sometimes, it was actually Jesus that was telling me this, but he was like, sometimes God is going to bring you readers that God knows are going to detest your work. They're gonna hate your work. And it's for some other purpose that God is bringing those readers to you. And that purpose may have nothing to do with you, right? Like the fact that
God is bringing readers to you that hate your work, well maybe that's part of their journey to then be inspired to write something that they like better and to achieve their dreams as part of God's plan, right? So it's like, we have to look at the bigger picture and realize, okay, all of this is adding up to our success. Even if it looks bad, we have to look at it and say, okay,
I don't necessarily know how this fits into things, but I trust God. I trust that I don't know God's plan, but God knows his plan. And I trust that even if it looks bad on the outside, who is to know what is good or bad? Maybe this is actually opening up a door or a window for someone new to come in and discover my book and become a huge brand advocate for my book.
Or maybe this is just helping me refine my marketing and like who I reach out to to encourage to read my book or to send book mail to, right? So when we look at the bigger picture and we don't make negative things mean that our success is threatened.
then we're able to stay in a much more confident headspace, right? But if we make the little negative things that are bound to happen, if we make them mean that our success is threatened, well, then we're in that mindset of our success is threatened and we take ourselves out of the game, right? And my goal is to stay in the game no matter what. So that's why I develop beliefs like I get to be the shittiest writer ever, or at least I get to feel that way sometimes and still sell millions of books.
Because I never want to take myself out of the game of selling millions of books. I want to stay in the game come hell or high water. I want to know for sure my success is guaranteed no matter what I see in my reality. So just ponder that and think about that. Because if you are dependent on what is occurring in physical reality and you ride the up and down emotional swings with every little thing that happens,
Well, then you're going to take yourself out of the game so fast. mean, especially like if you're wanting to be a highly popular business owner or author or whatever, then popularity comes with the good and it comes with the bad. comes with a lot of love from the people who like you and it comes with a lot of hate from the people who don't like you and are upset that you're so popular and wish it was, you know, someone else or them themselves or whatever, or like just
have a stick up their butt, you know? So if you are someone who wants to reach high levels of success and popularity is a part of that, then you can almost look at these negative things that happen as like, well, this is just proof that I'm becoming more and more popular, right? Like I can look at the negative feedback from a reader and say, okay, this is just proof right now that I'm becoming more and more popular because I'm reaching more people. First of all, that's absolutely true.
Second of all, who is to know what is good or bad? It could be a larger part of God's plan. Third of all, my success is a contract with God and no human can thwart it. It's like me and God. like nothing can come between me and God, right? Other than Jesus. Because Jesus is the path to God, right? But nothing can come between me and Jesus and God, right? And so my success is never threatened.
if I like really go to my core beliefs. I know that. It's just my brain sometimes thinks it is.
I also have to be okay with the good and the bad that come along with the bigger goals I'm asking for. If I want millions of people to read my book, well, I'm going to get negative feedback. I mean, it's just going to happen. If I want millions of super fans, I'm also going to have millions of haters, you know? And you have to look at it as like all of it is good.
Even the negative stuff, even the haters are good. It all adds to my success. Every little thing that happens in the world, that happens with my social media, that happens through me and through other humans related to me, it all just adds more to my success, more to my growth, more to my popularity, more to what's possible for me. Right? And understand that this is simply a decision I made. Now, I can believe
in this decision I made because I believe that my success is a contract with God that no human can interrupt or get between, right? So that core belief really helps. But ultimately it was just a decision I made that if something bad happens, well, okay, it's still adding to my success somehow. Who is to know what is good or bad? Somehow it's adding to my success and I don't have to know how it adds to my success. I just have to decide that it does. And then,
the universe quantum physics does its thing, right? But if I look at that negative thing that happens and decide that it means my success is thwarted well then quantum physics does its thing and my success becomes thwarted
And we don't want to do that, right? Like we want to stay in the game. We want to stay in the game until it manifests. We want to stay in the game come hell or high water. We want to stay in the game even when we have haters. We want to stay in the game even when someone calls us bad at what we do. We want to stay in the game. This is something I'm working with right now that I'm kind of struggling with. Even when an entire community rejects you, right? And we just want to stay in the game.
And we still want to believe and we still want to trust and we still want to move forward and we still want to do the things that we know what we know how to do. We still want to depend on God first and foremost and believe that nothing can thwart our success. Not a hater, not cancel culture, not an entire community that hates you because you spoke your truth. Nothing and no one.
can come between you and your success. It's between you and God. It's a contract. It's set in stone. It's guaranteed. It is part of your plan and God's plan.
It is your will and God's will. And I believe God wants for me what I want for myself. And I believe that to my very core. I had to start believing that when I knew I wanted to involve God in my life more because I ran away from God because I thought God wanted to restrict me. But I don't believe that anymore. I believe God wants for me what I want for myself. I believe God, as Amanda Francis says, gave me the desires of my heart. And so
If I desire it, I know God is willing and able and desires to help me achieve that desire.
But yeah, everyone has a bad day, including me. Everyone has a brain that is really unhelpful sometimes, but recognize that for what it is. It's your brain being a human brain. It does not mean that your success is all of a sudden not possible. Think of it as like a blip, a blip, a tiny little annoyance.
but not anything with any actual power over you. Right? Like don't give your imposter syndrome power over you. Acknowledge it for what it is. Acknowledge yourself as a human with a human brain and then decide for yourself, okay, I get to feel like shit about my work, about my book, about my business, about whatever, and I still get to win, and I still get to sell millions of books or millions of my product or service, right?
I get to feel this way and I still get to succeed. get to feel that way and I still get to succeed. Because my success is a contract between me and God. No human being and no earthly event can fuck with it.
Right? Like no one can fuck with the divine.
I mean, he's the creator of the universe, literally. So he's the ultimate fuck around and find out, you know? Like he's at the top of the food chain. So if you have a contract with God to achieve certain levels of success with God's support, with God's guidance, which you get, I believe, through prayer.
Well then, no one can interrupt that. No one can block that. As long as you stay steadfast in your relationship with God, which again, my relationship with God is through prayer. I pray every night, sometimes multiple times per day, especially today, I was feeling all sorts of feels and I'm like, okay, Jesus, I really need your guidance. God, I really need your guidance, right? So.
If you're doing things with God, then you can rest easy knowing that no human and no earthly event can take you off course. But you gotta go back up to God, right? And this is a lesson I know God is putting me through right now out of love because I contend to look at earthly reality and take myself out of the game. So this is like really something I'm working on actively. It's like, no, I'm not taking myself out of the game this time.
If I actually do feel scared, I'm gonna go back up to God. If I actually do feel like my goals are not possible, I'm going back up to God. I'm saying that next prayer, right? If I actually do feel like some negative review has all this power over me and my success, I'm going back up to God to reassure me, no, that's BS. Your success is a contract with God. And...
That's how I got this clarity actually and why I told the parable of who's to know what is good or bad because that clarity came from God. That clarity came from Jesus. When I was praying on this, it was like, hey, do you remember that parable that you heard in that audio book? And I was like, yes. And Jesus was like, well, what if God brings people to you?
on purpose for as part of God's bigger plan and to you it looks like this big negative thing but it doesn't affect or impact your success in any bad way even if it looks bad right but it's part of God's larger plan for that person because maybe they need to hate your book to go create something of their own maybe they need to hate you to go reach some sort of clarity about their own life right
And when you're in the public eye, I do believe that God will use you for those types of purposes because people get really triggered by people in the public eye. And I do think like at times God purposely triggers me by people in the public eye. And then when I go back up to God, I realize, okay, yeah, maybe I need to rework those beliefs.
Or, okay, yeah, you're right, that trauma still does have power over me. Let me reframe this, step away from this, come back to what I want to be true, right?
So who's to know what is good or bad? And all of it is simply adding to your success. And when your brain's being a human brain, just acknowledge it for what it is. Like, okay, I feel like shit today. It's okay to feel like shit. This means nothing about where I'm going. I'm still gonna be successful. I'm still gonna reach my goals.
No one can fuck with my plan and no one can fuck with God's plan, right? All right. I think I just rambled a lot toward the end there, but hopefully this was helpful. Leave me a five-star review. Go buy my book. It actually really is a good book, even though I feel insecure about it sometimes. I have a lot of readers that have given it five-star reviews. Absolutely love it. Have said it's one of their favorite books of all time. So yeah, I do have the reader super fans.
And that's the, guess maybe that's one final tip I'll give you is like focus on what you do have that is what you want, which I do have a lot of readers who love my work. I have a lot of readers who love my work. And of course I want more and they're an example for me to look at and see, okay, they exist, they're out there. And I'm of course gonna receive more over time, right? So look at what you do have when you're having those shitty days and remind yourself of all the good that you already do have.
Okay, but if you want to read my book, it is set in a dystopian elven kingdom where a vengeful king has stolen all the magic from all the female elves. And Fiana Willowbark is trying to break her father out of prison for a crime he didn't commit. She is convinced that he is innocent and he's the only family she has left because her mom sold her soul to a demon and just like ditched them when she was four years old.
So she needs her family, she wants her dad back, and she's really good at sneaking into places that she really shouldn't be. So she's like, why not? I'll take this gift I have of being a little sneaky and I'll sneak into the only prison where he's housed, the cave, and break him out. But then, of course, she gets caught by a viciously powerful high guard warrior who is also the right hand to the king.
And all of sudden she can't break her father out of prison anymore because she's in big, big, big trouble. And then somehow it gets spicy. Somehow they fall in love. I don't really know how it happens. You're to have to read the book to figure that part out. But it's a super fun read. I love bringing together darker themes with lightness and humor. And there's absolutely some really funny moments in the book.
and I've heard from readers, so it's not just me saying that. And it's a really cool love story and the spice is just gorgeous and fun. So check it out, thequeenrises.com. It's available in over 200 countries, in the English language at least, and on lots of different platforms, including Amazon, Paperbacks and Kindle, Barnes and Noble, Paperbacks and Nook, Apple Books, Google Play, and Kobo.
So pick your preferred retailer and way to read a book by going to thequeenrises.com. And if you like this podcast, leave me a five star review. Help me grow the show, help me spread the word and also send me a message on Instagram if you liked this more like raw, real, vulnerable episode. I definitely love hearing from listeners and especially when I'm admitting to the world that yeah, I feel like shit today.
It's nice to know that someone needed to hear that and got value out of that. Alright, I love you guys so much and I'll see you in the next episode. Bye.