Kristen (00:05)
Guess what? If you've listened to the past two episodes, you can probably guess what I'm about to say. But yes, I am still doing laundry. I was being real in two episodes ago when I told you I had a 10,000 foot high mountain of laundry. That was completely real. No lies were told. So yes, I am still doing laundry. So what that means is it's just gonna be, you know, there might be a little more background noise.
So if that's not your jam, I'll see you in a future episode. But if you're here for it, today I'm gonna tell you more lessons that I have distilled from my time building a business in the coaching industry. And this is all really powerful stuff that I for sure couldn't have learned without going through it. So I'm really grateful for my first business for.
being like my MBA, so to speak. Like it taught me so much about business and life and relationships and making money and wasting money. And of course, I don't like that word wasting, but using money in ways that maybe weren't so effective and learning from that, right? And yeah, so I'm gonna just sell more lessons for you. I have one other episode about this in the podcast. So scroll back one episode if you wanna hear part one. This is part two, let's dive in.
Okay, this is such an important lesson. This might be the most important lesson that I will ever share with you. I probably say that in every podcast, but this is not hyperbole. Hear me clearly. I was actually having a conversation with a former client in the DMs and she was telling me that she really wants to listen to herself.
and that she's getting lots of unsolicited advice from people right now. And she's like, nope, I don't wanna listen. I wanna listen to myself. I wanna tune into my inner knowing. And I told her, you need to listen to yourself because that's what I did over the past two years. And it was the single best decision I ever made in my life was letting go of mentorship, letting go of other people telling me what to do.
Not that I didn't learn anything from my mentors, I put my mentors on such a pedestal that I didn't value my own wisdom and insights half as much as I valued theirs. it turns out my own wisdom and insights are way better than theirs. And that's not to say that they're bad or anything. It's just the truth. It's just the truth. And maybe it's because I'm a six line in human design and...
I'm supposed to reflect on my own experiences and learn and grow from them. It's probably a big part of it, but I think it's also just true for all of us because my client is not a six line in human design. And I think it's just true for all of us that our own wisdom and insights are going to be more powerful than any mentors or any coaches or whatever, right? And yeah, I think it's good to learn from people. And I really like learning at a distance now.
So I love podcasts. listened to, I think I've told you on the previous episode, I like Shamina Taylor's podcast. And I love following Amanda Francis from a distance. And I love learning from people at a distance. I think it's a really healthy way to grow as a person because you're not putting them up on a pedestal. You're not, you know.
sharing so much of your life with them that you feel like they maybe know better than you, they don't know you. They don't know you. Just like you, like I may not know you if you're listening to my podcast. But there's something about that where it's like, okay, I can take what I need from these mentors out of distance. And I know that I will then listen to my own wisdom and insights and integrate what I learned from them in a way that is best for me.
And I just wasn't doing that when I was in a coaching relationship long term. I just was not doing that. And I think that's the best decision I've ever made in maybe the past five, six years was deciding two years ago, okay, I'm done with this. Part of it was necessity. I had to be done with it because I was spending way too much money on coaches that were not helping me. So part of it was necessity.
But a big part of it was also like, no, it's time for me to listen to myself. And here's the caveat, because I am a human and I am infallible, or I am fallible, not infallible. I am fallible as a human. So I make mistakes and I don't always know every single answer. So the caveat is listen to yourself and then also listen to the people who truly unconditionally love you and want what's best for you.
and not because you're paying them to love you, not because you're paying them to care about you, right? So like, also, you know, this is my opinion, so don't come at me. But I also think therapists can be limiters in our lives. I think coaches and mentors, if we're like paying them to listen to us, I think those things can be limiters because again, humans are fallible. And if that person doesn't unconditionally love you,
which there are very few people in your life that will unconditionally love you. For me, it's my husband. My husband loves me unconditionally. He has seen me at my worst and he loved me just as much at my worst as he has at my best. And because he loved me just as much at my worst as he has at my best, I know that he truly has my back and we will go the distance together and grow together and just, you know, be in all sorts of love together. So...
You want to listen to yourself and you want to listen to people that truly truly truly unconditionally love you and want what's best for you and have no stake in the game, right? Like my husband doesn't really have a stake in the game when he's giving me advice other than wanting me to succeed and I know coaches are like, oh I want you to succeed no matter what and and I felt that way too, but the reality is
when you're exchanging money, yes, you want what's best for the person and also you're human. So sometimes when you're exchanging money and you're the coach and they're the client, sometimes you're unconsciously going to give them advice that perhaps is not absolutely best for them. And maybe you're gonna impose your own experiences onto them, again, unconsciously and maybe consciously, maybe you know you're doing that, but I think a lot of people even,
Even people who have the highest level of training have done that and it has resulted in me going further away from success. So the moral of the story is even the most wonderful coach, therapist, mentor, healer, whatever you call it, whoever you're paying to listen to you, even they are fallible humans and you cannot let their wisdom or advice or guidance override your own.
And you should also listen more to people who are directly involved in your life and want you to be happy and successful. For example, like your partner, if you're in a loving relationship, like you should listen much more to them and what they see for you and what they want for you and not so much to someone who you're paying to listen to you because
again, humans are fallible. And I think this is something that might be another lesson I learned is that humans are fallible. Because I really did. I put so much faith in mentors and I put them on pedestals and I saw them as these wonderful people that I could never live up to and that was another mistake I made. I should have realized that I was just as wonderful as them. But moral of the story is
even the best therapist, coach, healer, mentor might lead you away from yourself. And I really believe from a spiritual perspective that the only true guidance we need other than like from our loved ones actually comes from God. So my mentor is God and the people God puts in my path.
And again, I like learning at a distance because it allows me to stay centered in my own wisdom and what I need to distill from something instead of getting too wrapped up in someone else's advice. I can take what I need from it and leave what I don't and not become dependent on someone because that's the other thing. When you're in a coaching or therapy type relationship, you can become dependent on them.
The only thing you should be dependent on as a human is God. That's what I believe. I believe the only being you should ever depend on is God. And yes, you're also gonna depend on your loved ones and you're gonna depend on people throughout your life. I'm not saying that it's not gonna happen, but I'm saying the only person that you want to actually fully depend on, like you truly depend on them. You need them in your life. You need their guidance in your life. That should only be God.
And when you let God guide you, watch out in a good way. Watch out in a good way. And that was a big lesson I learned in my business was I never really needed these mentors, but I needed this God. What I needed was God. I needed God to guide me and I needed to guide myself and I needed to trust and allow God to guide me through my own intuition, which I believe God does.
And so, yeah, make sure you're listening to yourself more than the people you're consuming content from, even if you are learning at a distance, right? Like, you know, learn from people. I'm not saying don't, but always take it back. Always take it back and trust yourself and go back to your own guidance and go back to God. And if you need someone to bounce ideas off of and get clarity with, go to the people who...
don't need anything from you other than love, right? Like go to the people who are there and they will be there on your worst days and they will be there on your best days and they will love you all the same. Go to those people and talk to them about something that you need clarity on. And then also always come back and trust yourself, right? Always come back and trust yourself because you have all the answers inside of you. And I know coaches say that, but there is...
lots of room for if you're in a coach-client relationship for you to become dependent on them. And I certainly was. I was dependent on coaches and it was not serving me at all. All I really needed to do was come back to God and come back to myself. And when I did that, so much abundance and prosperity and just like a joyful life and better relationships opened up for me. So,
I guess my advice for you, and I'm gonna wrap it up and keep this short, is look at where you're depending too much on someone that may or may not have your best interest at heart. Where are you depending too much on someone who is not like directly in your life, right? Like maybe you pay them to be your coach or therapist, but they're not like living with you in your house. You know what I mean? And you know, this is assuming of course that you have loving.
Relationships in your house and if you don't have that then pray on that and ask God to bring you loving relationships in your house And by the way, you can change Relationships through God. I don't know if you knew that It's something I do all the time and I believe that's why Ralph and I have grown together so much because whenever I feel like I Need something new in our relationship and I'm not getting it even if I've like asked for it I pray on it and then magically God does God's work
And all of sudden my husband is interested in something I wanted him to be interested in. And I don't have to like nag him or force him to do it. He like is interested in it of his own accord. And that's a really cool thing. I've watched in my own relationship over the past 10 years. It's like, if I go to God and I'm like, hey, I really want this to change in my relationship, then God finds the healthiest way for that thing to change in a way that's like good for everyone. So depend more on God, depend less on.
People are flawed and they don't always have your best intentions at heart. And then also depend on yourself and the people who truly love you and truly want to see you succeed. And I got news for you, the person you're paying to listen to you may not actually be someone who truly wants you to succeed because guess what? If you don't really succeed, if you don't really trust yourself, if you don't really know deep in your soul that...
you have what it takes to achieve the thing, then you don't need the coach anymore.
Or I think I said that wrong. You know what I mean. You know what I mean. So the person you pay to listen to you, you're going to stop paying them if you feel secure on your own. So at the very least, there's that aspect of people want clients to resign. And this human nature, I mean, get it. I get it. I was that. I understand that. I'm not.
saying that necessarily all coaches or all therapists are bad. I'm just saying that exists, like that paradigm where like they want to keep getting money from you exists. And maybe they're the most selfless, wonderful detached coach ever. But also sometimes as a business owner, you can feel a certain type of way about a client leaving or a client staying or whatever. And humans are fallible. So.
depend on yourself, depend on God, depend on the people that truly love you and are truly in your life for the long term. And that's all I have to say about that. So I hope you like this episode. Check out my book, thequeenrises.com. It is a romantic fantasy novel. I talk about some like kind of serious, deeper things on this podcast and then success mindset stuff. But you know, we all need something to entertain us from time to time, right? Like
We're not supposed to constantly be learning through rote learning. We're not supposed to constantly learn through mentorship or self-help books or podcasts or whatever. Yes, we want to learn, but we also need to be entertained. And we learn from play. We learn from doing something that's fun. We learn from reading spicy romantic fantasy novels about elves in a dystopian kingdom where a king stole all the magic from all the female elves.
You learn even through play. And I just want to encourage you if you're, especially if you've been in the personal development space for a long time like I have, embrace play as like another way to make money and grow as a human. Because as I've embraced play over the past two years, some of my best work has come out of it, including my book. So pick up my book, thequeenrises.com. It's a fun read. It's really easy to read also if you have a short attention span. So if you have ADHD,
or you're neurodivergent or you don't really get hooked into books, check out my book because I consistently hear from people with ADHD and short attention spans that my book is a cannot put down book. So thequeenrises.com and send me a DM on Instagram, Kristen.Sepriano if you like this episode and I'll talk to you soon. Love you, bye.